Faceless

The Girl Who Wanted To Be Faceless

The following story comes from a young woman from London, England. Sarah Costello was the victim of bullying. She made the local news. Headlines at the time read: “Bullying Made Me Want To Die.” Or “Anti-bullying Website Stops Me From Cutting Myself.” Painful titles. And when I asked Sarah if she had any photos of herself at the time she was being bullied, she wrote to me saying, “I don’t have many photos from those times—I would either draw all over them, scratch my face off, or shrink them to abnormally small sizes so you couldn’t see them very well. The bullying was so bad that I was desperately unhappy."


Now, for the purpose of reaching others, Sara shares her story:

Sarah at the time of this story

I was eleven years old when my best friend first hurt me. We were in sitting in class together, and she hit me with a ruler that belonged to someone else. The girl took her ruler back and bought my friend one of her own to hit me with. Another time, my friend "accidentally" burnt me with a soldering iron. I often wondered why the bullying began. Why my best friend had turned against me. Maybe it was because I didn’t cause any trouble, got on with my work and stayed quiet most of the time. Or maybe it was because I was shy. Or because I was tall. Or had unruly, curly hair. I never used to fight back, which probably did me no favours. All I know is that it all started with my best friend, and once all her friends got involved, they didn’t need a reason to be mean.

The worst thing I could ever imagine around that period was catching the bus home from school. I dreaded it when my mum was working late. People I didn’t even know would bully me, shout things in my ear, and throw newspaper at me. One time it got so bad I almost jumped off the bus. I remember that day so clearly. I was looking at strangers on the bus thinking, please, help me, make them stop. Every time they caught my eye they'd look away. It finally got so bad that I just sat there, not even bothering to take the newspaper off me. I just sat in a ball and let them do what they wanted to: they'd be getting off the bus soon anyway.

As the pain became greater, I became less tolerant. I had a fight with this girl once; well, it was more of a punching session. She had been tormenting me for a long time. When I finally lashed out, the teacher had such a go at me--and it wasn't like I was ever in trouble at school anyway. In fact, I’d never been in the Head of Year's office before. He asked me why I’d done it and I tried to explain I had a lot on my mind and I’d had enough of her by that point. He said I should've gone to tell him if she was annoying me. For what? I wondered. So he could laugh in my face? I was crying so hard I couldn't even stand up and I'd NEVER cried at school before. The bullying about that started then. People would come up behind me and pretend to cry in my ear. One time when I was walking down the corridor two girls hit me to see what I’d do, whether I’d hit them back, leave it, or cry. They'd knock my bag off my back then pretend to cry.

There was this one boy who used to sing stuff to me (I didn’t even know who he was), nasty things, when he walked through the social area. I'd block out his voice and pretend I couldn't hear him, or not show that I knew he was talking to me. When I got on the bus he'd shout and tell me to get off and call me names. There were lots of names. Greasy. Green Giant. Swot. Tracy Beaker. Truffle Shuffle. Bean Pole. I could go on forever . . .

Every day was a nightmare. A lot of the really bad stuff that happened I'm not ready to talk about yet. Despite everything being so bad, though, I never missed a day of school. I went every single day, unless I was genuinely ill. I was on my own a lot of the time, and the rare moments when I did spend time with my sister, her friends would make comments about it. I can't even remember what I did at break time, but I spent lunchtime in the library. When I moaned about this to my mum, she'd say it was my fault for only having one friend and told me to make more friends. My mum would question my sisters about what happened in school and on the bus. But they never told her. I bottled everything up and told NO one what was happening. I was so scared people might think I deserved it as I was so vulnerable and for so long I believed this. It took me a while to realise that NO ONE deserves to be bullied, or asks to be bullied, no matter how they look or act.

The sad thing is, I started self harming as a way of coping. I overdosed on my hayfever medication several times—not with the intention of suicide, but I saw it as another way of hurting myself. Everything I had valued in life had begun to slip away and I was just living. My body was there but my mind wasn't. I forced myself to get up and go to school when the new year started. It was a struggle many of the days, but I'm glad I went and didn't give up.

And to cope, I wrote in my diary—everything I could remember about the bullies and what they'd done and how I felt, and it actually helped quite a lot. At the beginning of 2005, my mum read some of my diary and she decided I needed help. I was offered lots of support at school, which I declined as I didn't think I needed it (I did, I really did, I know that now). I know the school administration would've stopped the bullying if they'd known, but because I didn't tell them, they couldn't do anything about it. I started counselling at the hospital but only went twice. I did feel a lot better emotionally, but it wasn't long before things took a turn for the worse again. It got to a point where I was throwing up after meals and taking a lot of paracetamol at least once a week, and was extremely suicidal. But then I found a new counsellor who was fantastic. I finished seeing her in July after 8 months and I am a much happier, stronger person. I've felt so much better and have changed a hell of a lot, and learnt lots about myself. I know there are alternatives to hurting myself. I don't get bullied anymore, and I'm staying strong. Yeah, I still have bad days when I don't particularly wanna get up and face the world but I'm not gonna let a bunch of losers ruin everything I pieced back together. I'm at college now, and I love it. I have amazing friends who love me for who I am. In a way, I could say I'm glad what happened happened. It’s true: what doesn't kill you, does make you stronger.

Believe me, if you have faith in yourself you can get through anything. You just need to hold your head up high and get through it. Tell someone, because that’s the mistake I made, and a lot of people, understandably, do make it. If you let your bully get away with it, there's going to be more victims that feel like YOU. You're not alone, don't feel ashamed, tell someone. There have got to be more survivors in this world, and I'm proud to say, I'm a survivor!

Editor’s Note: Sarah is now studying to become a mental health nurse and plans to specialise in working with young people who are suffering the effects of bullying. She volunteers as an online mentor for kids who are being bullied through her website:www.stompoutbullying.tripod.com. We wish her continued health and healing, and hope that her pain will be used to help and heal others.

Sarah now--a happy college student

On Being Different

Susie Four Eyes

As I shared in an earlier posting, school was a horrible place for a girl like me. One of five kids, my parents couldn't afford to dress me in brand-name clothes, and I was one of those "weird" kids who liked to read and stay to herself. Not much has changed since I was young. Youth culture is still at war with some of its brightest, most interesting kids. But you know what? I’m in good company. I have something in common with a lot of really famous, successful people.

Robert Pattinson--on the wrong side of his classmates

For all you Twilight fans out there, you may be surprised to learn that teen idol Robert Pattinson recently confessed to being the real-life victim of bullying. This super-hot actor may have won over millions of teenaged girls playing the vampire hero on the big screen, but this 23-year-old superstar was not exactly on the good side of his classmates growing up in Britain. “I got beaten up by a lot of people when I was younger,” he told Parade.com in March. “I was a bit of an idiot, but I always thought the assaults were unprovoked.”

Taylor Lautner--bullied because he wanted to be an actor

And how about Pattinson’s onscreen nemesis, Taylor Lautner. Taylor recently told Rolling Stone magazine that because he was an actor, he was bullied in school. “People made fun of what I do,” he said. “But I just had to tell myself I can’t let this get to me. This is what I love to do. And I’m going to continue to do it.”

Chester Bennington--knocked around like a rag doll

Chester Bennington, of the rock group Linkin Park, is another popular celebrity who also continues to do what he loves -- despite once being the victim of teen cruelty. Chester says that “he was knocked around like a rag doll at school for being skinny and looking different. But, joining a band where his voice mattered really helped.”

How many of you have been “knocked around like rag dolls for being too skinny, or too fat, or simply looking different? Chester found his voice through his music. Taylor and Robert through their acting. I found mine in my writing. What about you? Where did you find the voice that makes you you?

The Hen House

The Hen House

If you’ve ever been to a chicken farm or seen a photograph of the inside of a commercial henhouse, you may have noticed that all the chickens look alike. It’s not just because they are bred that way. They themselves insist on it. If a chicken looks different in any way from the rest—if it is weak, injured, or deformed—the others will begin to pick on it. Literally. They will peck it to death.


We humans may not be as nasty as chickens, but you know that there is a pecking order among students in your school, at every grade. The biggest and strongest continually pick on classmates who look odd, dress differently, are overweight or small and scrawny, come from a different part of town, have unusual interests, or have a different sexual orientation. If you are a non-conforming student, at best you’re excluded; most often you’re verbally harassed and sometimes physically assaulted. Some of the students who put others down and treat classmates cruelly are those most often admired by teachers and honored by administrators; the athletes and student government leaders.

Most of the time, the oddballs in your school survive on internal strength alone, lying low, staying out of the way. A few others may flaunt their differentness by dyeing their hair garish pink or blue and goofing loudly in the hallways. A few students have even hurt so much and felt so alone that they’ve killed themselves. Once in a while one of those students will strike back, as Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold did at Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado, on April 20, 1999. Unable to take the abuse any longer, they lashed out in the most harmful way possible, killing twelve students and one teacher, physically wounding several other people, and emotionally scarring the entire community.

Since that horrible day, school faculties, administrators, student groups, community leaders, politicians, and the media have all given more attention to the problems of school violence, access to guns, and violence in games on the Internet. As they should. But few people have looked beyond the physical evidence at the emotional and social conditions that brought on that violence. Few people have looked at the feelings of alienation, frustration, hurt, and anger felt by teenage students whom the rest of the school community calls weirdos, geeks, nerds, freaks, faggots, and worse.

Let's have an honest look at those feelings. Put a voice to your story and make a difference.

Contributor: From the Introduction by Donald R. Gallo to ON THE FRINGE, edited by Donald R. Gallo. Copyright 2001 by Donald R. Gallo. Used by permission of Dial Books for Young Readers, A Division of Penguin Young Readers Group, A member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc. All rights reserved.

Welcome to A Different Kind of Weird

Can you spot the girl in the photo most likely to be ridiculed and called a hateful name? Not hard to figure out. And no, it was not the young African-American girl who received the majority of school yard harassment. It was me—the girl with the cat glasses. The so-not-cool glasses were bad, but can you believe the dress? It was cute when I was five, but at ten—definitely fashion challenged!

All right, so my mother wanted to keep me young forever. But sadly, I was forced to go to school. Which was no place for a painfully shy, book worm like me. My classmates called me "Susie Four Eyes." And yeah, I received my share of ridicule – which brought its necessary changes in behavior. Like peeing only before I left for school. And squeezing my legs desperately together come late afternoon. And then running home to wet the bathroom floor before I made it to the toilet. Embarrassing, yeah, but I would have chosen the disgrace of peeing in my pants any day over the risk of entering the school bathroom. That was where the enemy—the "cool" girls—waited to launch their attack.

School was a horrible place for a girl like me. A girl who couldn't afford to dress in brand-name clothes, who liked to read and stay to herself. But you know what? I survived. And so will you. Ironically, I am who I am now because of who I was.

I was different. Just like you.

I invite you to share your stories (in English or in Spanish). If you have ever been harassed, called a hateful name, ridiculed, or made fun of because you are different, I would like to hear your "tragic" tale. I am a writer of young adult literature and am compiling an anthology of short stories focused on young people who feel alienated, frustrated, hurt, or angry because they look "odd," dress differently, are overweight, (or small and scrawny), come from a different part of town, have unusual interests, or have been called a weirdo, geek, nerd, freak, loser, loner, emo, goth, faggot -- or whatever other hateful name meant to label and destroy.

Your stories aren't intended to solve the problems in your school, or to place blame, but to provide glimpses into the lives of young people who are different from their more popular peers. It is my hope that this forum will offer you thought-provoking experiences that result in greater understanding and tolerance of others. And if you--like me--have passed through the trauma of adolescence scarred but relatively sane, even better. Your experiences will bring hope and healing to those still walking the "Hallowed Halls of Hell" found in schools throughout the world.

And just so you know you're not alone, I recommend you read the book On the Fringe, a compilation of stories edited by Donald Gallo that offers insights into popularity and peer pressure, nonconformity and persecution, acceptance and hate. The riveting, provocative stories included in On the Fringe will leave you thinking and, hopefully, talking about the challenges—and rewards—of being different.

To submit your story or a short reflection, please write to me at: adkow@live.com. You can either send your story in the body of your email, or if you don't like to write, tell me when you're available for an interview and I'll do the writing while you do the talking. Be assured that all entries will be carefully read and responsibly posted. No story will be turned down--except if it promotes the same hatred and intolerance that this blog is meant to tear down.

Thanks for taking the time to read this posting. If you found this blog interesting, please forward it to your family and friends. Invite them to join you as a follower. Or to submit their story. There’s no age limit for those who wish to participate. Together, we can make a positive difference in this sometimes unjust world.

On The Fringe

On the Fringe:
A collection of stories edited by Donald Gallo

In every school at every grade, the school yard can be a war zone of popularity and persecution, where no one really looks at the kids on the fringe. There's a pecking order among students – an in crowd and those outside it, who are often ridiculed mercilessly for the "crime" of being different. In this powerful and timely collection, On the Fringe explores the teen outsider experience in eleven electrifying stories penned by some of today’s most acclaimed YA authors. A tomboy finds the relief of self-expression through her music, while in another tale a relentless bully tests the faith of an intensely religious girl. A cheerleader discovers that the true soul of her school can't be found within the cool clique; a football player finally stands up for a harassed fellow student. And a boy watches in horror as the school "freak" marches into his classroom with a loaded rifle.

On the Fringe brings to life eleven poignant stories of outsiders facing the constant struggle of hate – and ultimately – acceptance.